I am writing this letter to all my single sisters who often wonder about the purpose of this season in their lives. To all ladies who would like to make the most of their singleness but don’t know how. To every queen who wants to know what to focus on in this season so that you become fulfilled and happy in your singleness. If you are a single Christian woman, then this letter is for you.
Dear single sister,
I know it is not easy being single in today’s society. We live in a world that will make you feel inadequate for not being in a relationship. And yes, relationships are wonderful but so is singleness. There is beauty in being a single woman.
And no, you did not read that wrong. Being a single Christian woman is a very beautiful thing.
Affords you the ability to give undivided attention to the Lord
1 Corinthian 7: 32, 35
But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord- how he may please the Lord… But this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, that you may serve the Lord without distractions.
Being single gives you a very precious opportunity to give your undivided attention to God. Married and dating women cannot devote all their ‘free’ time to God because they also need to make time for their partners. For instance, women who are in relationships cannot just decide to spend their entire weekend visiting the sick without also considering the needs of their partners. As a single woman, you don’t have that obligation. You are free to spend your energy however you like.
Let me share a little bit of my story.
Save for some very few months, I was single throughout my college years. Because I didn’t have the obligation of spending time with a boyfriend, I involved myself a lot at Church. I volunteered at SCOM (Student Christian Organization of Malawi). Every Wednesday, I and others would arrange the venue in preparation for the SCOM service. We would remove the desks (because we would hold the service in a room that also served as a lecture room), arrange the chairs, etc. Typically, we had to be there an hour and a half before the service starts just to do this. After service, we would remain for some 30 minutes, putting everything back to how we found it.
Serving God like this helped me grow in my spiritual walk with Him, and I don’t believe I would have been able to consistently do this (sometimes more than once a week) if I had a relationship competing for my time and commitment. Being single allowed me to devote my undivided attention to serving God.
Its high time we celebrate singleness for the gift that it is. As Paul puts it, singleness allows us to serve God without distraction.
This is the right time to learn to love
Most people assume they know how to love. The truth is, few people really do.
Hollywood will make us believe that love is this all-consuming, nerve-wracking emotion that takes over our lives when we catch it. That’s not love, however. Love is deeper than emotions and feelings.
This Hollywood kind of love can only be experienced when you meet someone with whom you have ‘chemistry’. This kind of love can only be experienced with another person, you cannot experience it alone.
The God-kind of love, however, is first experienced alone (by self) before it can be shared with others.
The bible puts it like this…
And the second is like it: ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself’
Learn to love yourself
The verse above captures the words that were said by Jesus when His disciples asked about the greatest commandment in the law.
In relationships, people love each other. But if this verse is anything to go by, then one cannot truly love another until they love themselves. You can only love others to the extent to which you love yourself, no more.
Until you learn how to love yourself, you cannot truly love another person. So, before you move out of your single season, my dear sister, learn to love yourself.
Get to know God
1 John 4:8
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love
To know God is to know love. God does not love us because of what we do, He loves us because love is His very nature.
We cannot know true love if we do not know God. Any love without God is self-centered which is contrary to what the bible has to say about Love
1 Corinthians 13:5
Love is not self-seeking
You cannot have a thriving relationship if there is no love, yet you can only love others when you know how to love yourself, and you learn to love yourself the right way only when you get to know God.
So, my dear single women, I believe learning to love is God’s purpose for singleness.
Learn to love God–and therefore yourself–, so that you can love others the right way.
Time to develop an intimate relationship with God
If it is not yet clear, here is what am saying to you today: Instead of focusing on how much you want to be in a relationship, focus on God. Use your singleness to serve Him, and to get to know Him more. Let Him teach you how to love yourself, how to be a fulfilled and whole in Him alone, and trust that in His right time, He will bring the right man along.
With so much love,